A Matter of Personal Hygiene

If you’ve ever had children, you’ll know that going into the bathroom or toilet can be a risky business.  The little darlings will have borne no consideration for the next person who’ll be using the facilities and obviously believe that the Toilet Cleaning Fairies are on standby after every visitation.

Some HMO tenants are no different.

It’s one thing cursing your own kids for their leftovers but how do you approach grown ups especially when you can’t identify the perpetrator?  This issue has reared its embarrassing head twice in the last couple of weeks.

Be Careful Who You Blame

Zitomir, the mad Czek, phoned to say that he’d had to clean up bodily fluids from the toilet area on a number of recent occasions (I’m not going to go into details as it’s irrelevant and pretty disgusting) and was quick to blame it on a fellow tenant who is getting on in age and suffers psoriasis which is a skin disease and shouldn’t affect bodily functions.  He’d moved from another HMO and the previous tenants said they’d had no problems with his hygiene during his 4 years there.  I suggested Zitomir be very careful about casting the first stone and perhaps we should approach this matter sensitively by contacting all tenants to bring the issue to their attention, put cleaning products in the bathroom and asking everyone to be considerate.  He responded with a series of texts the last one being:

“You know, I don’t want to bother u with every nonsence but trying to solve things straight away in the house! I did ask Jimy about the blood as well and he said that’s not me well OK.  Thanks for the products and message”.  Followed by a kiss (x).

Knowing Who To Blame

The next complaint came from the boys’ house.  Tom (who has fallen off the wagon completely, drunk all the money I gave him to paint the hallway and hasn’t been seen sober for a couple of weeks) is, according to the other lads, at the heart of being unable to aim into the toilet bowl whilst swaying back and forth before throwing up and passing out on the stairs.

He’s a big lad and, when pissed, can’t throw a punch like he used to.  The other tenants are bigger and younger than him, have learnt to tolerate his binge drinking and the following detritus by guiding him back to his room and chucking him onto the bed.  However their patience came to an end this weekend when one of their kids went to use the toilet only to scream “Daddy, there’s a dead man in here with no trousers on!”  They hauled him, effing and blinding, back to his room to sleep it off and cleared up the mess.  Consequently, Tom hasn’t been seen by anyone for days and I really should check on him but am exasperated at having the same conversation over and over again followed by his promises of reform.

None of us have any idea what to do with him as he’s an asset to the house when sober and functioning (keeping the kitchen clean, fending off bailiffs chasing past tenants and acting as back up if any of the others get into trouble) but as a drunk, he’s no better than a tantrum fuelled two year old being potty trained.


Filed under Management of an HMO

3 responses to “A Matter of Personal Hygiene

  1. mrdavidllewellynsmith

    Wow, I don’t envy you having to deal with that, but you seem to be on top of things! Well done, and great blog!

  2. Forgot to add, I had a tenant issue like that myself, I installed those toilet seat protectors you sometimes see in public toilets. Problem solved!

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